& i’m not sure how to carry myself,

not sure how to feel,

not sure if i’m revealing

but still,

somehow,

i care what you’re thinking,

if you’ll know my apartment’s layout,

if my voice was sickening,

if i seemed lost

from the outside

because

i really don’t know how to rot any differently

& god

if you actually exist

please

put me out of my wallowing

& wondering

& just kill me already

(11/3/24)